We teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are. No matter who you are, who you are matters. There will always be people who reproduce what you do, because no matter who you are or what you do, you are important enough that there will always be someone somewhere who is looking to you for inspiration.
That is especially true when it comes to leadership. Some leaders ask themselves the question why won’t my people do as I say? The answer is that people can temporarily do as they’re TOLD, but ultimately they will always end up doing what they’re SHOWN. As a leader, it is YOU who sets the pace, sets the example. This is true regardless of whether you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a parent raising children.
One of my personal favourite mentors, Tony Robbins, refers to this as Congruency. Congruency is when you align your words with your actions. How do you ensure that you are congruent? Well it all comes back to character.
I was once asked how I would define the word “Character”. For me, the best definition is that character is your “Average”. Average is a pretty simple concept for most people to understand. For example, say you set a goal of being more healthy. You want to eat right and go to the gym. We all know there’s going to be good days when you nail it and there’s going to be days you spend all day on the couch watching TV and eating chips. One good day won’t make it for you, nor will one bad day ruin you. We know if, on average, you eat the right food and work out, you’ll reach your goal.
Character is your average as a person. Who you are at your CORE. Character is the thing that will always shine through, good or bad. You can consciously force yourself to behave one way or the other but in the end your character is what you will always revert back to. When you’re operating on auto-pilot, that’s your character in control.
The way that you want your people to act has the be the natural way that you would act if you were in that situation. When you find yourself confronted with a choice to make, having the ability to make good decisions can get you through, but it’s not character. You see, being able to make good decisions will help you choose the right option over the wrong option. But when you’re operating from character, there’s never a choice to be made. Character see’s the only 1 option, the right one, because character doesn’t see the wrong option as being a choice in the first place.
So it’s your character that will set the tone for whatever you influence, be that a company, a family, a church or community group or anything for that matter. Often people will know academically the right things to do, and that is what they TEACH. However, their character fails to hold themselves to the same standard they teach. So people do not what they are taught but reproduce what you DO.
So if you know the right thing to do, then ask yourself WHY that is the right thing to do. Explain it to yourself in simply terms. It’s so easy some times to get caught up in coming up with all these fancy explanations as to why we should do something that we manage to confuse ourselves into missing the point. There’s a great quote that I think I got from a movie or somewhere that says “Explain this to me like I’m a 5-year-old”. Whenever I want to re-affirm to myself why I’m doing a particular thing I explain it to myself in the simplest possible terms like I’m a 5 year old. When you understand it simply, you can REALLY start to believe in what you’re doing. The more you understand and believe in what you’re doing, the more you will have conviction, and the more you can re-affirm it to yourself with conviction, the more it will be assimilated into you character.
Another important thing is to understand just how important YOU are in the whole process. Whether you realise it or not, YOU are a very important person. What you do is so critical to other people. You don’t have to be a top CEO for this to be true. There will always be someone looking to you for inspiration. Ask yourself this important question. Who is looking at the actions that I take and reproducing them. Then ask yourself, What would be the consequences if someone was to reproduce my actions instead of what I’m trying to teach them to do. As a parent, would you be proud of your children if they reproduced what you were doing? If you’re in leadership, what effect would it have on your company if your people were reproducing what you do and not what you say.
You see we often overlook the vital role that we play in shaping the actions of those around us. So next time when people aren’t doing what you would like them to be doing, ask yourself if what you are saying is congruent with your character.
Now, here’s your homework. Leave me a comment below to tell me what are you can identify where your character has not been congruent with your teaching. AND, importantly, what actions are you going to take starting RIGHT NOW to change this…